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GETTING MARRIED?




THE SACRAMENT OF MARRIAGE

   We as a parish rejoice in the love that you, as a couple, share for one another and the commitment that has been made to bring you to this day in preparation for your marriage.  Your decision to be married in the Church is an indication that the Christian faith and the sacramental life of the Church are important to you.  In the eyes of the Church, marriage is the sacramental union between a man and a woman that is used in the Bible as the image of God’s faithful love for ancient Israel (Isaiah 54; Jeremiah 3; Ezekiel 16) and Christ’s sacrificial relationship to the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Jesus Himself, together with His mother the Theotokos and the disciples attended and blessed a wedding in Cana of Galilee, performing His first miracle, which assisted in the celebration of that event (John 2:1-11).  When we say that Christian marriage is a sacrament, we use that word to convey the depths of the bond you are about to enter into: a sacramentum in the ancient Roman Empire was the oath of loyalty unto death that a Roman solider took to the emperor when entering the military.  As Christians, the sacrament of marriage is your oath of loyalty unto death to each other and - as a couple - your oath of loyalty unto death to our Lord Jesus Christ.  Christian marriage is intended to be a sign of God’s presence and love in this fallen and broken world.

COORDINATING YOUR WEDDING

   Fr. Nikolaos will assist you with the necessary forms, and will work with you in all matters pertaining to your wedding, including: setting the date, scheduling meetings him, preparing the necessary church documents and collecting all fees.  Please feel free to ask him any questions you may have regarding your marriage here at Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church.

SETTING THE DATE

   A couple desiring to be married should first contact Fr. Nikolaos to schedule a meeting with him. It is preferable to schedule both your wedding date and meetings with Fr. Nikolaos at least six months prior to the desired date so that scheduling conflicts can be avoided.  According to the official policies of our Metropolis, weddings may not be celebrated during the fasting seasons or the major feast days of our Church:
  • December 13-25 (The Advent and Christmas season
  • January 5-6 (Epiphany)
  • February 2  (the Presentation of the Lord to the Temple)
  • Great Lent and Holy Week (usually mid-February, the entire month of March and part of April)
  • August 1-15 (the fast of the Theotokos)
  • August 29 (the beheading of John the Baptist)
  • September 14 (the Exaltation of the Cross)
  • The Ascension
  • Pentecost
   This is in keeping with our ancient way of celebrating the Christian mystery in worship and exceptions can be made only rarely, in extreme circumstances, with the permission of the Metropolitan.

THE COUPLE TO BE MARRIED:  SACRAMENTAL PRESUPPOSITIONS

   Because marriage is a sacrament, weddings cannot be celebrated in a spiritual vacuum.  This, therefore, presupposes that:
at least one of the couple to be married is an Orthodox Christian, baptized and /or chrismated in the Church, committed to Christ and His Church and an active steward for at least a year prior to the date of the wedding; and the intended spouse, if not Orthodox, be a Christian baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit as commanded by the Lord ( Matthew 28:19).
   Because of the sacramental nature of the marriage bond (in which a couple not only pledge their love for each other but also their love for Christ) a wedding between an Orthodox Christian and a non-Christian may not be celebrated in the Church.

NECESSARY PAPERS AND DOCUMENTS

   The following documentation is needed to insure that your wedding will meet the criteria established by the Church and local civil authorities: verification of the baptism and stewardship/membership commitment of the Orthodox spouse (s); verification of the baptism of the non-Orthodox spouse in a Christian community that baptizes in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit (for example, the Roman Catholic and mainline Protestant churches such as the Lutheran and Episcopalian communities); an ecclesiastical marriage license; and
a civil marriage license.
   Please note that because of the separation of Church and state, two marriage licenses are necessary, one for the Church and one for the state.  Also, please note that because a civil license carries a time limit of 90 days in Ontario, your civil license should be secured less than three months prior to the desired date of the wedding.  

IN CASE OF PRIOR MARRIAGES

   If either of the parties has been previously married, the death certificate of the deceased spouse or the civil divorce decree issued by the state must be presented to the parish priest.  If the prior marriage was celebrated in the Orthodox Church and ended in divorce, then an ecclesiastical divorce decree must also be presented. 

THE WEDDING PARTY

   The “koumbaro” or “koumbara” - the sponsor who will participate sacramentally in the service by exchanging the rings and the crowns that form an integral part of the marriage rite - must be an Orthodox Christian must be an Orthodox Christian "In Good Standing" and a steward/member of his/her parish. "In Good Standing" means that they may not have gotten married outside the church or participated in any foreign sacraments, as this would excommunicate them from the Orthodox Church.   The “koumbaro” or koumbara”, if from another Orthodox parish, must provide proof from his/her parish priest certifying his/her active stewardship/membership in the Church.  Other members of the wedding party need not be Orthodox.

THE BRIDAL DRESS AND ATTENDANTS’ GOWNS

   Care should be taken in selecting the bride’s dress.  The bridal gown and attendant’s dresses should also exercise a decorum befitting a Church ceremony.

ITEMS NEEDED FOR THE WEDDING

   For Orthodox Christian betrothal and crowning services, several items are used liturgically: 2 decorated candles; rings for both the bride and groom, for the betrothal; crowns—The crowns may be either Greek-style flower or pearl wreaths linked by a long, white ribbon (called stefana), or Russian-style jeweled metal crowns. Flower wreaths may be ordered from the florist with the other flowers (bouquets, corsages, reception-table centerpieces) or from a specialty supplier, and may be live or silk. If you are using metal crowns, make sure your parish has a set, and that they are in good condition; If your wedding is on a Sunday or on a weekday when a Divine Liturgy is served, don’t forget to pack some snacks in the box of items going to the church building, especially if you have very little time between Divine Liturgy and the betrothal and crowning services. Don’t let a rumbling stomach or light head disrupt your wedding because you fasted for Communion and didn’t have time to eat.

MUSIC

   Although it is not essential to the celebration of this sacrament, organ music has become a customary part of the wedding service in Canada.  The organist may play as guests enter the Church, a processional for the wedding party and the bride and a recessional at the conclusion of the service.  The music played must honor the Christian faith and be drawn from either the hymns of the Church and/or from that tradition of classical music composed for the Roman Catholic and Protestant communities. Please consult Fr. Nikolaos if you have any questions concerning the organist or particular music selections.
   Fees for the services of the organist are your responsibility. The fee for the chanter is your responsibility as well.

PHOTOGRAPHY AND VIDEOTAPING

   Photographs of your wedding are permitted but should not in any way impede or distract from the celebration of the sacrament.  Photographers should be quiet and respectful; the use of a flash is allowed.  If you are planning on professional photography and videography, please ask that your photographer arrive early at the Church so that guidelines can be laid out.  Also, please ask guests to be respectful of the professional’s space, for your benefit.

VISITING CLERGY

   Guest clergy, in Communion with the Orthodox Church, may participate in a wedding at Holy Trinity. Canonically, it is the responsibility of the priest where the wedding is taking place to extend an invitation to any and all visiting clergy. Orthodox Christian clergymen in communion with the Metropolis are welcome to participate in the celebration of sacraments at Holy Trinity with the blessings of our priest.
   Non-Orthodox clergymen from other Christian communities may not take part in the celebration of the sacrament of marriage per se. It is the official policy of our Metropolis that clergy from other Christian confessions may be acknowledged at the conclusion of the wedding service and invited forward to the solea where they may offer a prayer and briefly address the couple.
 
PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE

   In your meetings with the priest, he will discuss the sacramental nature of the marriage bond, the Christian understanding of marriage as it is expressed in the Scriptures and the marriage service itself.  In cases where one of the spouses is not Orthodox, the couple should plan to meet with Fr. Nikolaos, to have any questions answered.  Further, the couple should make an effort to attend bible study.

A NOTE TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM

   To those spouses who are Orthodox: there is no substitute for Jesus Christ in maintaining the dignity and sanctity of the marriage bond.  For the celebration of your marriage in the Church to be real, you must live out, in subsequent years, the Christian commitment that you will make on the day of your wedding.  To those spouses who are not Orthodox: you are always welcome here at Holy Trinity.  Please note that your marriage in the Church does not automatically grant you membership in the Orthodox Church.  If you desire to become an Orthodox Christian this must be your decision, made after much prayer and thought, in consultation with the parish priest, and never for the sake of convenience.  To both of you: the Lord and this parish are here to help, support and sustain you in your marriage bond and the life of faith to which we are called as Christians.  May the Lord grant you both many years together in peace and oneness of mind and heart.


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